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What no one saw, and what the patriarchy would’ve condemned her for, were the feelings buried deep within her. The hidden hurt at being viewed from the point of view of marriage prospects, while her less brilliant brother was encouraged to further his career at all costs. The fierce determination to be more than just a pretty face. The shame at her lack of worldly knowledge vis a vis her friends. The lust simmering under the surface, occasionally bursting through, eager to be unleashed. The desire to have someone in whom she could confide these deepest of her secrets. Would they still love her, almost idolize her, if they knew? *************** The new term always starts on 1st August. Nidhi arrived at the hostel one day before, a Sunday. She came with her family- her parents and her brother- and suitcases filled to bursting with her clothes and beddings and all the other paraphernalia which everyone knows will never be used, but is nevertheless brought along as a matter of habit.. When that is the scene you have in front of you, it puts into perspective the insecurities you have about yourself and how they can be ridiculous. All I could think was that in someway I envied them, to have the confidence to make love with each other at their age in front of these people was strangely inspiring. I somehow felt like a peeping Tom watching these people before I came to my senses and the realisation of that is exactly why they were here. They wanted strangers to watch them, so I obliged.I spent the next thirty minutes sipping a couple more G&T’s and smoking cigarettes provided by the kind and amusing Italian man sat next to me. By this point, a few more people had entered the club and went straight to the “intimate room”. Battling every thought of anxiety and with the help of the alcohol, I finally decided to move into the next room.It was the same size as the room I was sat in. To my left were multiple black leather sofas, each with a table holding a bowl of condoms,.
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